im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
