nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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