she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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