so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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