Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
