none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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