i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
