I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
