ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
