I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
