Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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