Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
