i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
