i would punch a child for taco bell
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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