Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
