Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
