Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
