A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
