I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
third nipple confirmed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
