Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
