Sponge bath it is.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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