I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
