i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
