just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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