how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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