I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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