its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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