well I can't set my house on fire every night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
