If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
