Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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