and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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