Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
