You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
