I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
