:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
