Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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