If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
