We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
