I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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