I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
