I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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