He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
