Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
