found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
