My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
