i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
