I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
