Don't make out with my wife yet
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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