You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
