but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
