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This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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