The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
