Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
