i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how drunk are you?
Several
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize