i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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