I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
