Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
