dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
