I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
