I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
