dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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