sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize