I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
