I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
