Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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