I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
