3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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