I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
