just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
