So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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