In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
