Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
