I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize